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  Just a few yards and I’m there, Natalie thought with a sniffle. The cold was making her nose run. It also made her throat scratchy. Natalie never was much of a runner. She wasn't fat but had always been on the chubby side. Baby fat her mother called it, but could you still call it that when you were seventeen?

  Natalie heard another rustle and turned to look with a light gasp. She couldn't see anything between the trees, so she returned to running and hurried up. She could see the lights from her street in the distance.

  Maybe he won't be like John. Maybe he was just tired.

  Natalie nodded and slowed down. She was out of breath and could hardly run anymore. Panting, she started to walk when she heard what sounded like footsteps on the trail behind her. She turned and looked at a sight so ghastly she tried to scream, but alas, she was too out of breath to even make a sound.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Jayden sent me a note in class, asking me to meet him at the lake after school. I stared at the note for a very long time, pondering it, wondering if it would be a mistake. Should I go? I had decided not to meet him anymore, to stay far away from both him and Jazmine in order to not let myself get hurt. I had to. To protect myself. Now he wanted to meet again? What for? To tell me he was dating Jazmine now? To tell me they were together, and they wanted my blessing? Was that it? What was the point? It wasn't like they weren't rubbing it in my face constantly. I saw them every day in the hallway, talking and laughing, and I saw the way Jazmine looked at him and the hand she always put on his chest when he said something funny. I hated the way they exchanged looks in class, the way they looked at one another, and especially the way they just seemed to be so…incredibly perfect together.

  I am not going to be humiliated like this. I am not doing it. I am simply not going, I thought to myself and threw the note out before rushing out of the classroom.

  At lunch, I told Amy the usual lie, that I needed to help out in the media center, then ate my mom's cauliflower sandwich in the bathroom, tears rolling down my cheeks, worrying that life was never going to get better than this. I had always heard that high school was tough, but I had never imagined anything like this. This was unbearable.

  I felt so alone.

  When school got out, I was the first to run out the doors. I grabbed my bike and rushed out of the school's grounds. I rode it so fast that none of the other kids going the same way could keep up with me. As I got back to Shadow Hills, I rode past the old abandoned house, speeding quickly past it, trying to block out the sound of drums coming from it. It made me feel uncomfortable. It had grown louder lately, and I was beginning to think I might be losing it. Maybe I was just going insane.

  I parked my bike outside my house, then squinted toward the park behind the row of houses. He was going to be there, wasn't he? He was going to go to the big oak tree and wait for me there all afternoon. Then he was going to get angry with me, wasn't he? But would he stop there? Was he going to keep asking me to meet him, so he could get this thing off his chest? Was I the only thing hindering them from being together? Was I the only thing standing between them?

  I drew in a deep breath. If I was, then how would I be able to live with myself? Didn't I owe it to my friends to at least be happy for them? What good did it do me to keep them from being together just because they knew it would hurt me?

  I can't do that to them. I can't be that person.

  "You've got to be kidding me," I said out loud, then grabbed my bike and took it back out into the street. I rode it between the houses on the pavement, toward the park behind them, cursing myself for always putting everyone else's needs before my own.

  Chapter Nineteen

  He was already there when I rode up to the tree. I got off the bike, a huge lump in my throat, and approached him. When he heard me, he turned around and smiled.

  "Hey! I was afraid you wouldn't come."

  I lifted both eyebrows and forced a smile. My voice was annoyingly pitchy when I spoke.

  "Well, I’m here. What's up?"

  "I don't get a hug or anything?" he asked and held out his arms.

  We usually hugged, just as we had done ever since we were young children. I leaned in and let him hug me. I absolutely loved his hugs. I loved the smell of him and the feel of his strong arms around me. It always amazed me how safe he made me feel as he wrapped his arms around me and also how strong he really was.

  "So, how have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever," he said and held my shoulders. I pulled out of his grip and took a step to the side. I approached the lake, grabbed a small pebble, and threw it in. It landed with a plop.

  "All right, I guess," I said. "Busy. You know how it is. And you have seen me. We see each other at school all the time."

  "You know what I mean," he said. "We can't talk at school because of your uncle. It's not the same. I miss you…I miss talking to you."

  You sure hide that well, don't you?

  I sighed. "So, what did you want to talk about? You said you had something you needed to talk to me about?"

  "Are you mad at me or something?" he asked.

  "No. I’m not mad," I lied. "I’m just a little stressed. With homework and the math test next week, that's all."

  "Ah, okay. Always the perfectionist, huh?"

  "Well, I like to do my best. You should try it once or twice."

  "Hey. I do my best. My best just isn't as good as your best is," he said.

  It made me laugh. "True."

  Our eyes locked once again, and I felt my heart drop. Why couldn't he be mine? Why did that stupid Jazmine witch have to take him away from me? If only she had never moved in.

  "Did you hear about that girl that went missing?" he asked.

  "Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? Some girl from eleventh grade that didn't come home last night?" I asked. "I’m pretty sure she’s probably at some boy's house. She’s known to sleep around, at least among the football players. That's what my brother has told me. She’s working her way through the team, they say."

  "Or maybe the team is using her because she’s looking for someone to love her, did you ever think about that?" Jayden said.

  "That's deep," I said and looked over at the lake. When we were children, we used to go fishing on the lake, just me and Jayden. We never caught much but had loads of fun. The lake was known to be bottomless and children had drowned in it before.

  "You are mad at me, aren't you? You sound mad."

  I shrugged and threw another pebble into the water. Jayden approached me. He put a hand on my shoulder. His touch made me feel warm and I closed my eyes for just a second, imagining what it would be like to kiss him like I had imagined so many times before.

  "Listen," I said when I opened my eyes. "I know why you wanted to meet up again. It's okay."

  He looked confused. "What do you mean?"

  I drew in a deep breath. Did I really have to be the one to say it out loud?

  "That you and…"

  I stopped talking when I spotted something out on the lake. I took a step forward to better see, then squinted my eyes.

  "What is it?" Jayden asked. "What's going on?"

  I stared at the mass in the water as it bobbed up and down. I swallowed hard, trying to calm myself, calming that shattering feeling inside of me, that feeling, the terrifying thought, that I knew exactly what it was I was looking at.

  Then I screamed.

  Chapter Twenty

  "Oh, my God, it's her, Jayden, it’s her! It’s Natalie Jamieson!"

  I looked at Jayden, clasping my mouth in terror. "It's her, Jayden. What do we do?"

  He took a step toward the dead body in the water, then walked into the water, moving closer to it.

  "Jayden, be careful, you know the lake is bottomless. If you go too far out, you'll drown."

  Jayden walked closer to the body, then reached out his arm. "I…I can't reach," he said. He came back to the shore.

  "What do we do?" I asked.

  "
I’m gonna call Jazmine," he said.

  I stared at him.

  "Seriously? That's who you thought to call first? Jazmine?"

  "What the heck is wrong with you these days?" he asked, snapping at me. "Do you have something against her?"

  I didn't know how to answer that. I had promised myself to give them my blessing if they asked for it, but now I suddenly wasn't so sure I would be able to give it to them. I wasn't ready.

  "I’m going to call her to get her to go to my house and grab a couple of our lifejackets, then get Amy and have her come with her out here to help us get the body in before it sinks. You know, because of the gasses and stuff. Remember what they taught us in biology? That a body will sink right away, then reach the surface because of the gasses from the bacteria in the gut that causes it to float to the surface like a balloon. Once it has been at the surface for some time, the built-up gas will be released, and the body will sink once again."

  "You picked a hell of a time to be smart, Jayden."

  "What would you suggest we do?"

  "Yeah, well, how about we call your dad? The police officer?"

  Jayden nodded. "That was my next move. I was just concerned about…you know if our parents found out that we were here, together, then maybe…you know we would be in deep trouble and we wouldn't even be able to meet here again. If Jazmine and Amy were here too, then maybe they wouldn't be so mad. Maybe we could just say we were all on our way home from school or something like that."

  I felt embarrassed. I hadn't thought about the possible consequences. "Ah. I see."

  Jayden called Jazmine and, a few minutes later, she and Amy were at the lake, lifejackets in hand, and they were all putting them on.

  "Is it really her?" Amy asked, completely disappearing into the giant vest. "And she is…?"

  No one answered. We didn't know.

  Jayden went into the water first, then we followed, swimming closer to the body, grabbing it by the arms and pulling it toward the shore. The water was freezing and the thought that I was actually holding the hand of a dead person made me squirm.

  We pulled Natalie up onto the shore and let go of her. Soaking wet, our clothes dripping, we all stared at the girl whose face we knew very well from the hallways of the school, and no one uttered a word. Not until Jayden had finally caught his breath and pushed back the need to throw up, then he called his dad.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  We had hoped it wouldn't be made into a big deal, but of course it was. As soon as the shock had settled over our neighborhood, and the police had finished taking our statements and arrested Steve Bruce, who was believed to have murdered Natalie Jamieson, our parents started to ask questions.

  Both Jayden and I were grounded for three days and none of our parents would listen to our explanations. We had disobeyed their orders, and that was that.

  My mom came to my room one night when I was doing my homework. I heard the door squeak open and knew it was her. My mother never knocked, as she believed in surprising me and hopefully not finding me doing anything I wasn't supposed to. My mom moved so silently and quickly that I hadn't heard her enter, but I heard the door click and then felt the cold as my mom approached.

  I turned my head with a gasp. Mom was standing right behind my chair, looking down at me, her green eyes blazing.

  "Mom?"

  "What were you doing with that boy out by the lake?" she asked.

  I shook my head. "I…I wasn't. I was with Jazmine and Amy and…"

  "But he was there too," she said, her piercing glare scrutinizing me.

  I started to sweat just at being in her presence.

  "Only because Jazmine was there," I lied.

  She knows when you lie. She knows you so well. She can smell it.

  "Jazmine?" my mother said, tilting her head to the side. "The Jeffersons’ daughter?"

  "Yes. Jayden is dating her now. I’m not talking to him at all. Promise. He's not allowed to talk to me either. He avoids me at all cost in school."

  "I should probably warn the Jeffersons about him again. They’re new here and don't understand how bad that family is for them. Ah, well. As long as he isn’t after you, my dear. Typical of Claire Smith to be poisoning her son against us. She's such a snake."

  I wrinkled my forehead thinking, you are doing that to me, but not saying it out loud, naturally.

  I forced a smile. "I wasn't with him. I promise. I never talk to him. I don't even like him."

  I paused. I was taking it too far. It was getting too obvious that I was lying. Mom knew I was in love with Jayden, didn't she? A mom knew that sort of thing about her daughter, didn't she?

  My mother stared at me, her eyes investigating me deeply. I smiled, then decided on another approach.

  "It was awful, Mom. That poor girl."

  Mom changed her expression. "Oh, yes, well, she was out after midnight. You don't do that around here. Everyone knows that. It can be dangerous out there. You better remember that."

  "But it was her boyfriend that killed her, so what did that have to do with the fact that she was outside at midnight?" I asked, confused.

  Mom looked like she had forgotten something. "Yeah, yeah, that's right, but the fact was that she broke her mother's rules and that mother of hers…well, don't get me started on that. Not keeping an eye on her teenage daughter and letting her run out alone at night when you know that…" Mom cleared her throat and corrected her baby-pink shirt. She found a small piece of lint and brushed it off. Then she looked at me again.

  "Well, this is how we learn, right? Now, you and all the other teenagers around here will know not to sneak out at night."

  Mom sniffled and turned to walk out the door. I was about to tell her that I had seen Adrian sneak out at night, several nights in a row, but the words never left my mouth. There was no way I could rat out my brother like that. He was, after all, my brother, even though he had changed so much I wasn't certain I could recognize him anymore.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Finding the body made all four of us feel closer. Even though it was against our parents’ wishes, we met up after school, at the lake that was now blocked off by the police as they searched for clues. It had snowed the night before and everything was covered in white. It wasn't just Jayden and me that met there by the old oak tree anymore. Amy and Jazmine joined us as well. I was fighting to put it all behind me, all the jealousy. I wanted to focus on simply getting over the fact that I had actually pulled the body of someone from school out of the lake.

  All four of us bore an invisible mark after that, and we found that we couldn't talk to anyone else about it. Everyone else seemed to just move on as soon as the shock settled down. The four of us couldn't really do that. The images of the dead girl were still burned into our memories and it became a life-altering event. Going back to the area somehow made us able to face it all, able to talk about it.

  "Did you hear that they say Steve might be innocent?" Amy said, eating gummies from a bag. She offered us some. Jazmine took one, whereas Jayden and I both said no. I had barely had any appetite lately.

  "Where did you hear that?" Jazmine asked.

  "The news," Amy said, chewing. "This morning. They are expecting him to be released later today."

  "You're kidding?" Jayden said.

  Amy shook her head, chewing loudly. The noise annoyed me. I never liked it when people were loud as they ate. Especially not lately when my fuse had been very short.

  "Nope. He's free."

  "Then…then who did kill her?" Jazmine asked.

  Amy shrugged. "It wasn't Steve, they say. They are saying it might have been some animal because of the claw marks on her chest. According to Steve, she was with him until midnight, then rushed home. They say she might have encountered a bear or a mountain lion here in the park and maybe it dragged her into the lake."

  "Wow," Jayden said.

  "I know," Amy said as she took another handful of gummies and stuffed her mouth.

  I
stared out at the icy lake while a million thoughts rushed through my mind. "I’m worried about my brother," I then said.

  Jayden looked at me. "Adrian? Why is that?"

  "He has changed. A lot. He's gotten totally emo. He quit the team and sits by the computer all night. He never does any sports anymore and he is getting skinny. He's even grown long bangs that he hides behind, and he wears all black clothes. He's so pale I feel like I can see straight through him."

  Jayden chuckled. "I have noticed that he is different. He never hangs out with the team anymore at school."

  "What's wrong with being emo?" Jazmine asked. "I think emos are cute. I like their style. And he has gotten so handsome. I think he looks cute."

  "Ew," I said and threw her a glance. "That's my big brother we're talking about."

  She shrugged. "I’m sorry. But I do."

  "But why are you worried about him?" Jayden asked, fiddling with his sleeve. He looked at me. "Is something wrong?"

  I took in a deep breath. This had been on my mind ever since I realized that Natalie had been killed around midnight. But as long as I knew it was Steve who killed her, I had been able to push the thought away. But now that they were saying that it wasn't him, I couldn't hold it in anymore.

  "He sneaks out," I said, locking eyes with Jayden. "Every night. Just before midnight, he leaves the house and doesn't come back till right before the sun rises. I don't know what he’s doing out there."

  Jayden looked at me. "Are you saying that you're afraid he might be the one who killed Natalie? Your brother? Adrian?"