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YOU BUSY?

  Robyn was quick to answer. DOING HW

  Jazmine sighed. She thought about texting Amy, but she was probably busy cooking something or doing homework herself. She opened Snapchat and sent a couple of pictures to her old friends under the caption BORED, then grabbed her computer and watched a few YouTube videos, then there was a knock on the door.

  Jazmine paused the video and went to open the door. Outside stood Jayden. He had a book in his hands.

  "Here. I thought you might like to read this."

  Jazmine looked at him suspiciously. "Me? Why?"

  He exhaled. "I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to you. The book was just some dumb excuse. Can I come in?"

  She lifted her eyebrows. "Of course."

  He walked into the kitchen and sat down at the counter. He ran a hand through his hair and seemed out of sorts.

  "Uh…can I get you anything? Something to drink maybe?"

  He nodded. "Just some water, please."

  She grabbed a glass and poured some water into it, then placed it in front of him. She felt slightly uncomfortable having him at her house like this. What if Robyn saw him come here? Would she be mad at her? She wasn't going to risk losing a brand-new friendship over some boy with way too long hair. Yes, he was handsome, but he wasn't her type at all. She liked the moody kind, the emo. The tall and lanky types. The types that were into music and not sports. The ones who might dye their hair and wear eyeliner. The type who seemed tortured. Not this pretty athletic jock type. Besides, there was one rule she had lived by all her life. You don't fall for your friend's crush. It's a no-go.

  "So, what's going on?" she asked.

  Jayden exhaled again. "I don't know how to explain this…but lately I’ve been having these feelings."

  Uh-oh.

  "Let me stop you…"

  He looked at her, his eyes suddenly tormented. "Let me finish, please."

  Chapter Fourteen

  "You coward. You stupid coward. Why couldn't you just have asked him? Now, you have to keep wondering."

  I mumbled as I walked back to the house. I cursed myself angrily as I passed Jazmine's house and continued toward my own. When I reached the front door, I received a text from Jazmine asking me what I was doing. I didn't really feel like hanging out with her now, especially when I feared Jayden was more into her than me, so I just texted back that I needed to do my homework, then went inside.

  I put my backpack on the hanger that Mom had put up for me and my brother, so we wouldn't throw them on the floor like most kids did. I took off my shoes and placed them neatly on the shelf inside the cabinet—making sure the ends matched equally with the ones next to them—and closed the door. I sighed and went into the kitchen. Less than a second later, my mom was there too.

  "Hello, sweetie," she said, her eyes scrutinizing me.

  Her sudden appearance gave me quite a shock. I hated the way my mom looked at me like she was inspecting me. She always made me feel uncomfortable. Like she was judging me, deliberately searching for mistakes to point out.

  "How was your day?" she asked.

  I sighed. My mom held out a cup with some green substance in it. On the side of it, it read FEELING BITEY.

  "Made you a cucumber, beet, and ginger smoothie," she said. "You didn't sleep well last night. You seem drained. This should make you feel better, give you new energy."

  I don't need energy, Mom. I need to be with the boy I love. But you're keeping me away from him.

  "Thanks," I said and took it.

  "Are you hungry too? I can make you a cauliflower grilled cheese?" my mother asked. She looked like she had been working out again. She was wearing her gym outfit. I stared at her slim stomach. The skin was completely perfect. No wrinkles, no stretch marks. How was that even possible after having two kids? How had they even fit in there? It was tighter than mine. Looking at it made me feel fat and I shook my head.

  "No, thanks. I’m not hungry."

  "Aw," my mother said. "Boy trouble? You know how your mother feels about you running after boys."

  I groaned. "I'm too good for them."

  "Yes, you are. You deserve a lot better than those high school idiots. Wait until college. I'll help you find the right one if you want."

  I wrinkled my nose. "Why? Why would you even suggest that?"

  My mom snorted. "Well, I happen to know a lot of influential people around here. A lot of them have sons, you know. Sons who will themselves grow up to be…influential."

  "I don't want to date some lawyer's son whose only dream is to take over the family company. Come on, Mom."

  She looked surprised. "Why not?"

  I shook my head in frustration. "You don't understand at all, do you?"

  "My mom helped me find Doyle, your dad. She knew his parents. Nothing wrong with that. Your father is a fine husband."

  Maybe I don't want fine, Mom. Maybe I want big love, the kind where you are all over each other and can't stand being away from one another. Not some stupid arranged marriage. In case you didn't notice, the Dark Ages are over.

  I took in a deep breath. "All right, Mom. Whatever. I have homework."

  Chapter Fifteen

  I sat at my desk and did my math problems without really focusing on it. I kept thinking about Jayden and what he had told me at the lake. He had been so sweet, his eyes so sincere. Had he almost kissed me? He held my hand in his and I felt how warm he was. Even though it was freezing outside, and my nose was hurting from the cold, Jayden somehow always stayed warm. His eyes were smiling as they looked at me and now I tried to recall exactly how he had looked at me.

  I’m afraid of losing you. He said that. And that he cared about you. He said that he cared a lot about you. That you mean the world to him.

  But what did it mean? Did it mean he wanted more? Did it mean that he had developed feelings for me like I had for him? Or was it just that he was terrified of losing his friend? And why was he suddenly scared of losing me? Because of our parents? That had been going on for quite awhile. Why now?

  Was it because of Jazmine? Was it because he was moving forward with her and now he was afraid he might lose me as his friend? Was the book thing just an excuse to go talk to Jazmine? To ask her out? I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

  No, you fool. You mean the world to him. He said that.

  I exhaled to calm myself down. I was just imagining things again. I did that. Of course, he wasn't into Jazmine. Why would he be?

  I returned to my algebra and solved a couple of questions when I spotted someone coming out of Jazmine's house. I leaned over and pulled aside the curtain.

  Jayden!

  I could hardly breathe as I watched the two of them chatting while standing in her driveway.

  Since when did the two of them become best friends? Since when do they visit one another and talk like they’ve known each other all their lives? Since when?

  "Since she laid her eyes on him that first day, of course," I mumbled to myself, feeling so stupid suddenly. "She took one glance at him and got him under her spell, didn't she? Winking those long eyelashes at him. I knew it. I just knew it."

  I felt like crying. When Jayden leaned forward and hugged Jazmine, I let go of the curtain and stormed into the hallway. On his way out of the bathroom was Adrian. I stopped and stared at him and his black clothes.

  "What are you wearing?" I asked, sniffling.

  "Clothes, what are you wearing?" he said, sounding very different than usual. He wasn't grinning as he always did and didn't even try to make fun of the fact that he could tell I had been crying. Adrian usually never let a chance like that go by him.

  "Are those…skinny jeans?" I asked, startled. Adrian had always made fun of skinny jeans and told me they were only for drug addicts.

  Adrian didn't even seem like he bothered nodding. "Yeah…"

  "Since when do you wear skinny jeans and black clothes?"

  "What do you care?" he shrugged.

  I shook my head, not
having the energy to deal with him right now. "Are you going to practice?" I asked and couldn't stop staring at his clothes. Where was his team jacket? He always wore his team jacket. Why was he wearing a black hoodie? And what was that? Had he cut holes for his thumbs in the sleeves? Was he going to a costume party or something?

  "Nah, not now."

  "Peter asked for you in school today," I said. "He said he didn't see you in any of the classes you have together. I didn't see you either. Were you even in school?"

  "What's it to you?"

  "Peter told me to ask you if you were coming to practice this afternoon."

  He shook his head, not looking at me.

  "Have you lost weight? You seem skinnier somehow," I said.

  Adrian growled, annoyed. "I don't care. Leave me alone."

  I moved aside and let him rush back to his room. I stood for a little while, staring at the closed door, and wondered if it was some joke that he was playing on me. It all seemed so odd, I decided to let it go and walked to the bathroom, once again remembering why I was upset in the first place.

  That stupid witch, Jazmine.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next couple of days, I avoided Jazmine at all costs. I started biking to school instead of riding with Amy as usual. At lunch, I told Amy I had to help out in the media center and then ate my sandwich in the bathroom. In class, I avoided even looking at Jazmine, and if she texted me, I just didn't read them.

  Now, I wasn't very good at conflicts. I would always avoid them at all costs, so being—and acting—like this was tough on me and I felt exhausted at night when I went to bed. I didn't say anything to Jayden when we met after school since I cherished every moment with him, but on the third day, I realized I was starting to dread my meetings with him and I cut it short.

  "I promised my mom I’d do something with her," I said when I had just arrived.

  "See you tomorrow?" Jayden asked disappointedly.

  "Yeah, well. It's getting a little cold."

  "Not for me," Jayden said.

  "It's all that hair," I said with a chuckle.

  "Excuse me?"

  "Nothing. I’m sorry…"

  I bit my lip. I felt like crying. I missed my old Jayden, missed the friendship we had shared all our lives. It was over now, wasn't it? It would never be the same again.

  "Are you calling me hairy?" he asked with a grin.

  I shook my head. "I’m sorry…I'll just…"

  "Are you okay?" he asked.

  "I'm fine. It's just…well, a lot going on at home and all."

  He took a step closer to me. "Maybe I can help?"

  I smiled. He was being nice. "Not now. Maybe later."

  I turned and walked away before I started to cry. I sensed he was looking at me as I walked up to my bike and rode off. Doing this to him didn't make me feel any better. On the contrary, but I had to protect myself. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I couldn't keep seeing him when he was definitely into Jazmine. And they weren't even hiding it anymore. I had seen them earlier that same day at school, talking in the hallway, her grinning at something he said as I walked by, pretending not to see either of them, walking stoically and acting like I didn't feel like I had a knife in my back.

  That night when I went to bed, I couldn't fall asleep. I could hear my brother in the room next to mine, tapping on his computer as he had started to do late into the night, something he had never done before. He never used to be into computers or gaming. He was an outdoorsy sporty type, not some moody guy cooped in his room. The latest was that he had colored his hair black and let his bangs grow, sweeping them to the side so they covered most of his eyes—and he had quit the football team. I didn't believe my own ears when my mother—with great pride—told me that my brother had finally come to his senses.

  "That can't be right," I said. "He loves football."

  What have you done to him? I felt like yelling at my mother, but of course, I didn't dare to.

  "Apparently, not anymore," Mom said, slurping her beet and celery smoothie. She was wearing an apron saying FANCY A BITE?

  "You know how kids are at his age. One day they're into this, the next it's something else."

  "But…but this isn't some small thing. Football has been his life for as long as I can remember. What about his scholarship?" I asked.

  "He doesn’t need it. Not anymore. He wants to go to Harvard and study law. I know the right people on the board. They can get him in and help him secure another scholarship. He's been getting his grades up lately and making smarter choices. You should be happy for him. He is going places in this world."

  I stared at my mom like I didn't believe a word she said, but my mom had taken no notice of it. She had been too happy about this sudden change.

  "It doesn’t worry you at all?" I asked.

  "Worry me why?"

  "Because he is changing completely. He stays up all night. He never goes out during the day either, except to go to school, and he often skips classes. He's quitting the things he loves. He's wearing black and coloring his hair, letting it fall down in his face to cover his eyes and even losing weight? Not to mention he's gotten so pale I swear I can see his veins through his paper-thin skin. He's not himself anymore."

  "It's nothing to worry about," she said. "He's just going through the change. It's all just hormones."

  I literally felt my eyes grow wide. "Hormones…?"

  "Yes, you know how it is. Boys and their hormones," she said, then left the kitchen whistling.

  Now, as I was lying there, staring at the ceiling with the moon approaching full outside in a couple of days, I couldn't stop wondering if my parents had something to do with this strange sudden change in Adrian. He was so different. Even his personality had changed. He didn't even tease me anymore or laugh at me when I was being clumsy. It was like he was a completely different person. Could that really be because of hormones?

  I closed my eyes to try and fall asleep again when I heard the front door slam shut. I got out of bed, walked to my window, and looked outside just in time to spot Adrian as he rushed out of the driveway and down the street. Surprised at this, I turned my head and looked at the clock on the wall. It was one minute until midnight. Boy, our parents were going to kill him if they ever found out. If there was one rule in this house, it was that you were home before midnight. Always. No matter what. That was the reason I had never been allowed to have a sleepover with any of my friends.

  I went back to bed, a smile spreading across my lips, wondering with great relief if my dear brother had maybe snuck out to meet with some girl. Maybe that was all this was. Some girl he had met that he wanted to impress? If anything could change the way a guy acted and dressed, it was love.

  Right?

  Chapter Seventeen

  She was hurrying home. Natalie knew she was way beyond her curfew. She wasn't allowed to stay out after midnight; as a matter of fact, she was supposed to have been home at ten-thirty. But her mother worked night shifts, so she never knew when she was out past her curfew.

  It had been a wonderful evening. Natalie had been to the movies with Steve. He had held her hand and even kissed her in the darkness. His kiss had been warm and caring and not demanding, and he didn't try to put his tongue down her throat like John had. Steve was different. He wasn't as handsome as John was, but he was so much nicer to be with.

  He had taken her out for ice cream after the movie and, even though Natalie wasn't really in the mood for ice cream after eating candy and popcorn at the movies and since it was freezing out, she still said yes.

  After that, he had asked her if she wanted to come back to his house. His parents were out.

  She had looked at her phone a little anxiously but then accepted his offer. After all, she was returning to an empty house. Her mother wouldn't be home from her shift at the hospital till three a.m. It was a school night, yes, but Natalie wasn't one of those who needed a lot of sleep. She could make do with less if she had to.


  Inside his small house, Steve had offered her a beer. Natalie had never had one before and she looked at him, a little scared.

  "It's okay," he said. "My dad lets me have one every now and then."

  She was certain he was lying to seem cool but didn't say anything. She grabbed the beer and he opened it for her. She sipped it and didn't enjoy the taste at all. Still, she drank and drank until it was empty. She felt it immediately. The buzz, the tingling sensation in her stomach. It made her laugh.

  That was when Steve had been all over her. She had enjoyed his kisses and touches and closed her eyes and moaned at the right moments. It wasn't the first time she had slept with a guy, and it wasn't the first time for Steve either, and just like the other times, it had been over pretty quickly.

  Steve had kissed her on the forehead, then told her he wanted to go to bed now, so she should leave.

  Now she was running, taking the shortcut through the park she had always sworn she would never take after dark. She thought about Steve and his gorgeous eyes, and as happy as she was for this night, she feared this was it. She didn't like the way he had looked at her when they said goodbye or the fact that he had turned his head away when she had leaned over for a kiss goodbye. Were they dating now? Or would he act like John had and pretend like he didn't know her in school the next day?

  She and John had slept together several times, but he would never talk to her the next day and if she approached him in the hallway, he would pretend like he didn't see her and walk away or simply talk to his football buddies, acting like she wasn't even there.

  Natalie hoped it would be different with Steve. When he had asked her out, she had been so excited. Finally, a nice guy. Finally, someone who would treat her right.

  At least that was what she had thought. After seeing the way he looked at her when she left, once he had gotten what he wanted from her, she feared it wasn't going to be much different than with John.

  Natalie hurried across the trail and past the statue in the center of the park, heading toward the lake. She lived just on the other side. She was cold and the darkness frightened her. She thought she heard a sound coming from between the bushes, a rustle of some sort, and sped up. There were stories going around, rumors mostly, about a big animal living in the trees. Most people believed it was a bear, others that it was a mountain lion. But many had seen something or heard it late at night in the park.