Courageous: Afterlife Book Four Read online

  "Now what?" I asked. "Are we going to pass through the Milky Way? Can we even do that? You said it was a hundred light years in diameter. Can the Pegasus’s really fly that far and that fast?"

  Mick smiled. "Just wait and see. The Pegasus’s are wondrous creatures with angelic powers in their wings. They are stronger than any animal belonging to the Spiritual realm. They will cross the galaxy in a few hours, and then bring us to our destination on the other side."

  "What's on the other side? Come on Mick; please tell me where we are going. I'm dying here."

  Mick stared at me, then he laughed and I laughed with him realizing the irony in what I had just said.

  "Okay, then little Miss Nosy body," he said.

  "It's busy-body or Miss Nosy," I said with a grin. Mick always tried so hard to not sound so old fashioned but I actually liked that about him. I loved it actually. "And it's not Miss any longer," I laughed.

  "Oh, I forgot. Mrs. Busybody," he said laughing endearingly.

  I stared at him while he giggled, remembering why I had fallen in love with him in the first place. It was because of times like these. This was the sweet Mick I knew and loved. He was still here. I just had to find a way to make him stay.

  "So seriously, where are we going?" I asked one last time as I felt how the Pegasus’s once again accelerated and the carriage jerked frontward.

  "We're going on a 'Stellar Safari.'"

  CHAPTER 8

  "A WHAT?" I ASKED.

  "A Stellar-Safari. We're going to observe and look at stars. Like people go on Safaris in Africa and watch the animals on Earth, we're going to find and watch the stars."

  I was a little taken aback, disappointed maybe. To my knowledge stars were nothing but burning spheres like our sun. I mean it was amazing to look at from space, admitted, but was there more to it than what I had already seen?

  Mick leaned over and touched my thigh gently. "Just wait and see," he said. "You'll be truly amazed."

  I tried to hide my disappointment and gave him my best smile. It had already been a wonderful trip so far and most importantly of all, I had my old Mick back with me and that was worth more than anything. It was after all what this trip was about. To spend time with my husband.

  The four long twisting spiral arms of the Milky Way were right outside our window now. It was a stunning sight, almost breathtaking; I thought and grabbed Mick's hand.

  "Like ripples in a pond, the spiral arms are like circling waves," Mick said. "These waves cause new stars to form. It's like they plant star-seeds wherever they go."

  "So new stars are born in there?" I asked.

  "Constantly."

  I stared at the twisted arms in awe. I had never thought about the universe as a living thing, so vibrant, so pulsating.

  "What causes the waves to glow like that? It's really strong."

  "Some of the new stars created in the wave are very large. Because they are so big they shine brighter causing the nearby dust clouds to glow brightly. It almost looks like fluorescent light."

  "It sure does."

  "They don't live very long, though," Mick said. "Their large size makes them burn all their fuel quickly and they usually die very quickly after they are born. Only the smaller ones survive."

  "So all the time new stars are born and die," I stated. "It's like life on Earth."

  "It's like any life," Mick said smiling.

  My head was spinning slightly. It was all so spectacular, so mind blowing, surreal even. Me, travelling through our galaxy on my honeymoon. I couldn't quite grasp it.

  "Now we're leaving the Milky Way," Mick said suddenly.

  I swallowed hard. This was it, were we even going to be able to go back? What if we got lost out there? I had heard of spirits from the Academy going into outer space and getting lost, only to return years later when they finally found their way back. I didn't know if they were only stories, though, but as we left our own galaxy and floated towards nothing but darkness, I began thinking that maybe they were real after all. It was easy to get lost out here.

  "Look," Mick said and pointed. "More galaxies."

  I stared out the window and saw about thirty more galaxies surrounding us. Some were spiral-shaped like the Milky Way, others elliptical; others again seemed to have a third or a fourth shape that I couldn't describe. Some were big, some small, some long, some broad and some narrow. Apparently they came in all shapes. Like all life, as Mick had put it.

  "Wow," I said.

  "I know," Mick said. "Quite astonishing, right?"

  "Sure is."

  "Now you and I are going there," he said and pointed at a galaxy in front of us. It seemed huge.

  "Why there?"

  "There are billions of galaxies in the universe, but this one I have been told that is the closest place to spot newborn stars as well as supernovas. It's called the Andromeda Galaxy."

  I took in a deep breath while staring at the huge mass of light in front of us, just waiting for us to enter. I was once again awestruck.

  "Just lean back and enjoy the show," Mick said and took out a big map. He studied it for a few minutes while the galaxy slowly came closer and closer.

  "It's a map of the stars and of where new ones are about to be born," he said and looked at it closely. "If we're lucky we might make it in time."

  We didn't have to travel for long before we found Andromeda. Soon the Pegasus’s slowed down and stopped. Everything went so incredibly quiet it was unbelievable. Mick looked out the window searchingly. I waited in great expectation. Suddenly Mick saw something and he looked at me with a big smile. Then he opened the door to the carriage and reached out his hand towards me.

  "Come."

  I stared a little frightened at him and his hand, then out at the big blackness of the Universe in front of me. The great infinity.

  "Are you sure?" I asked. "What if we get lost?"

  Mick laughed lightly. "Trust me," he said.

  I took in a deep breath, then grabbed his hand and let him guide me outside the carriage. I had flown into outer space before, but I never this far away from Earth. It scared me slightly, but it was also intriguing, interesting and very, very exciting. I had only flown into space and then back to Earth again, I never stopped and floated around, never stopped to see and feel what it was really like out here. It was so quiet and just floating was in a strange way claustrophobic. Or maybe the opposite of that since there was the infinity of space surrounding us. It was daunting, almost horrifying, yet so incredibly beautiful. All around us were small smudges of light, stars shining from far away, some even galaxies containing millions of stars, Mick told me.

  "Over there," Mick whispered holding on tightly to my hand.

  I looked in the direction from where he was pointing. A big mass of almost pink light and what looked like clouds was in front of us, spinning slowly. "What are we looking at?"

  "Wait for it," he said. "Keep looking."

  So I did. It was like a spinning disk that kept growing, pulling more dust and matter from its surroundings towards it.

  "Wait," he repeated. Then he paused. "There. There it is. Do you see it?"

  I stared, and then gasped. At that very second it was like the mass started to spin even faster, then an explosion shot something out of its core. Long strings of fire shot out from both sides.

  "Those are jets of gas," Mick said. "See, up until now it has been nothing but clouds of dust and gas that gravity has pulled into a giant swirly cortex, but when you bring matter together like this and it is squished it will heat up. Hundreds of years later the clouds get thicker and form a spinning disk like the one we're looking at now. Gravity will keep it all together and generate more and more heat and look at how it now shoots gas out. It's almost done."

  The big mass was now shining brighter and brighter while spurting out more strings of gas. The energy coming from it was enormous. It was so vibrant, so alive. So was everything around me. Rocks, dust clouds, galaxies, stars, planets. The unive
rse was so pulsating and we so incredibly small.

  Mick leaned over and whispered in my ear.

  "And just like that. A star is born."

  I stared at the big ball of yellow fire right in front of us. It was stunning. I turned and looked at Mick. He looked at me as well. Then we kissed.

  CHAPTER 9

  WE CONTINUED OUR journey and soon we saw not only yellow stars, but red, orange and even blue stars up close.

  "It's amazing to think that each star contains all key elements of life," Mick said while we were in the carriage again going to our next destination. "If you turn a star inside out, you look at the stuff of life itself."

  "Wow, that is amazing." I stared out the window while the Pegasus’s slowed down again. Mick opened the door and we floated out.

  "Look," he said and pointed.

  I gasped. Just as I turned to look something exploded in front of us and thousands of colors were blown into the blackness. Green, red, yellow, pink, all the colors imaginable and many more that I had never seen. Everything around us was lit up by the explosion.

  "It's a super-nova," Mick said. "A star exploding, turning inside out, so to speak. Be careful not to be hit by anything," he said and ducked when some matter was thrown against us. I ducked and moved as well.

  "With the energy and speed this comes you risk getting torn apart," he continued.

  I guess Mick underestimated the power or size of the star because suddenly it was everywhere. Pieces from the star were coming at us.

  "Let's get out of here!" I yelled as thousands and thousands of small pieces of the star rained on us at an enormous speed.

  I saw panic in Mick's eyes as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the carriage. Quickly he entered the carriage still holding my hand, but as he was trying to pull me in something huge and hot hit me so fast I hardly saw what it was, nor felt it, before I lost my hold on Mick and was thrown into space at a tremendous speed. I screamed as I watched the carriage with Mick in it become smaller and smaller in the distance while I was carried away. Soon I couldn't even see it anymore.

  I couldn't stop spinning and it made me sick to my stomach. I screamed and cried for Mick and worried about the baby while I was still shooting through the galaxy without being able to stop myself from moving. Then I felt a pain in my leg and realized I had a hole in my thigh where something had gone through me and ripped by leg apart. The bead was probably floating somewhere behind me and would never be found again. The pain grew to unbearable proportions and soon I lost conscience.

  When I woke up it was pitch dark around me. No light at all entered wherever it was I had ended up. I breathed heavily, panicking while trying to feel what was around me, but there seemed to be nothing there, nothing at all, no walls, no ceiling, no ground. Worst of all there were no sounds. It was like I had ended up in nothing if such a thing existed. It was ghastly, horrifying. I began screaming. I could think of nothing else to do, so I just screamed, thinking either this was a dream and I might soon wake up from it, or else someone would hear me and come to help. But nothing happened. I blinked my eyes thinking something had happened to my sight, but it didn't help. It remained dark and quiet. Not even an echo from my screams. Where was I? I thought, feeling the anxiety grow inside of me. There could only be one place that could be like this. I almost didn't dare to think the thought through. It had to be a black hole. I ended up in a black hole.

  I tried to move my body forward. It hurt but it was possible. It was kind of like swimming under water in darkness. I had no idea where I was going or if it was even in the right direction. I kept reaching out expecting to be able to touch at least something. There had to be something where I was, didn't there? Could there just be nothing? Could there be no beginning and no end to it? No, I had somehow gotten myself into this, there had to be a way back out.

  I fought to move forward but sensed that I didn't get very far and soon the pain in my leg forced me to stop trying to move. I felt exhausted and fatigued. The baby was kicking so I was relieved that it seemed to be doing fine. I hoped nothing had happened to it or in any way damaged it on my way through the universe. I started thinking; would anyone be able to find me in here? Or would I have to spend eternity in this blackness? Was I going to have to give birth to my baby in here not being able to see it, to look into its eyes?

  I started crying at the thought. Why was this happening now? Why hadn't I been more careful? I had more than myself to think about now.

  Where was Mick? Did he stand any chance of finding me in here? Wasn't the universe filled with billions of black holes?

  I wrapped my arms around myself then cried while floating into nothingness.

  CHAPTER 10

  IT DIDN'T TAKE long before I lost track of time. Days could have gone, hours definitely did. I tried to move, to fly but was afraid I was only going deeper into the hole, only to never be found again, since I had no idea in what direction to go.

  Hope left me slowly; despair took over, overwhelmed me even as time passed. I was afraid of losing my mind completely so I tried to go over childhood memories again and again. I remembered my parents, my school and classmates. I remembered my best friend and the fun we used to have. I was so happy to have regained my memories of my life on Earth but every now and then I stumbled on places where my memory was lost and I would cry. It felt so horrible to not be able to remember things. It was worst from the last year of my life. All of it was missing somehow. In the many hours I spent in the nothingness I tried hard to fill in those blank pages, but had no luck. Some of them were all the way back in my childhood, but the older I got the more seemed to be missing. Why was that? Who had taken them from me?

  When I became too sad about the missing parts of my life on Earth I remembered things from my time after my death. I thought about Abhik and all the fun we used to have surfing on clouds, I thought about Mick and how he had to be looking for me desperately now, I felt for him now that he had finally gotten me, now that I had finally agreed to marry him, then he had lost me again. Maybe forever. Then I thought about Jason. I remembered how we had met on my first year at the Academy when I went through that mirror in the basement of the castle and met him in his home. I remembered his eyes, his kiss, and the love we had shared. Even if it was only for a short period of time it still lingered with me in a big way and I couldn't escape it.

  I sighed deeply thinking of all the wrong choices I had made in my life - and death.

  Suddenly I thought I heard something piercing through the soundless air. It was very vague and I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined it. I kept quiet and listened carefully. But there was nothing not even a whooshing or the sound of a wind blowing. If there had been anything there, it was gone.

  I waited for what felt like hours before I heard something again. This time it was louder and clearer and I was certain it didn't come from my head. It was still no more than a small gentle whisper, but at least it was something. I began moving what I believed was towards it, but much to my regret it soon died out again. Frantically I searched to hear it again, but it was gone. The pain in my leg was still unbearable and moving it hurt more than anything, yet I was determined to not give up. I wanted to find this sound and move towards it. If there was something there, I thought, it would reflect my yelling, it would make an echo if I screamed.

  So that's what I did. I screamed as loud as I could.

  "HEEEELLLPP!!"

  Still nothing. Not even an echo of my own scream. I kept moving. After a while I grew weary. The pain and the anxiety wore me out. The worst part was to get hope and then lose it again. The feeling of despair came over me once again, when suddenly I heard the sound of my own voice. It was my scream. It had echoed and travelled back to me! That meant that there had to be something out there to reflect it. Uplifted once again I screamed then flew in the direction of where I believed the first echo had come from. The next scream came back to me as an echo and made me laugh. This time I was certain of the direction. So I conti
nued and soon the echoes came back earlier and earlier letting me know I was getting closer to whatever it was. I fought my way through the blackness and nothingness while screaming and listening and suddenly I heard something that wasn't my own voice. It was the sound of someone else. The sound of a singing voice that left me feeling calm and loved on the inside.

  The voice of Rahmiel.

  I yelled back, and then fought all I could to move towards the sound, but no matter how hard I tried to fly I couldn't move very fast. I began wondering if I was moving at all. I used my entire body and all that I knew about flying to go forward but since I couldn't see anything I couldn't see if I was getting anywhere either. All I had was the sound of Rahmiel's voice and the echo of my own voice that I believed was getting to me faster than before. That had to mean that I was moving, didn't it? But I could be wrong. It was impossible to know.

  My leg hurt like crazy and the pain forced me to take many breaks. But still I continued. Slowly I felt Rahmiel's voice come closer and suddenly I spotted something. It was nothing more than a small dot that I wasn't even certain was really there, but it gave me hope. I fought my way towards the dot and soon I realized it was growing. It was getting bigger.

  I laughed like a mad person fighting to get closer to it, still while yelling and screaming to Rahmiel that I was on my way that I was almost there. The dot grew bigger and after hours of moving towards it, it suddenly looked like an egg, then a ball, then it grew to the size of a hula hoop.

  There was no doubt in my mind anymore; this had to be the way out. I moved forward but as I came closer I suddenly realized I had stopped moving, I was no longer getting closer, and the hole of light was no longer growing. When I stopped fighting I was pulled backwards and I realized that there was something in this black hole, it wasn't entirely empty. There was suction. A force pulling me back into the hole. It seemed to get stronger and stronger the closer I got to the light. The black hole was determined to keep me in there.