Courageous: Afterlife Book Four Read online

  "And what is that?" I asked.

  Mick pulled out something. It was a blue velvet box. He opened it.

  "What is it?" I asked curiously.

  Mick pulled out a stunning old mirror. I gasped. It was pure gold and on the frame were four enthralling emeralds. I had never been much into big stones or huge diamante rings or stuff like that, but this was truly breathtaking.

  "It's for you," he said.

  I was speechless. I fumbled with the words when I finally spoke. "You ... I ... I mean ... This ... Are you serious? It's beautiful, but what do I need a mirror for? Do I have a reflection in it?"

  Mick stared at me and then smiled. "You have in this one. It is different. Look for yourself."

  I grabbed the mirror by the golden handle and lifted it up in front of my face. I gasped. For the first time in many years I saw myself.

  "I know how much you wanted to look at yourself in that wedding dress so I got it for you."

  "How did you get this?" I asked.

  Mick shrugged. "Does it matter? Only the best is good enough for you."

  I stared at myself in the mirror tearing up. It was so strange to finally be able to see myself. I looked like I had suspected I would - for the most part. I laughed when I saw the dress for the first time with its puffy sleeves. I looked like I was dressed in whipped cream.

  "Was I always this chubby?" I asked.

  "You look exactly the way you did when you died, but you're not chubby," Mick said.

  I turned my head and studied myself in the mirror. "Well I guess it's too late to do anything about it, huh?"

  Mick leaned over and kissed me gently. "It doesn't matter." He leaned over and kissed me again. "You're perfect," he whispered.

  He took the mirror out of my hand and placed it on the table next to the bed. Then he leaned over and pressed me down onto the bed. Carefully he lay on top of me. He kissed my neck, my ear and my cheeks. Then he moved down to my throat and my breasts. I moaned in pleasure and enjoyed his touches. We hadn't been close physically since the night we made the baby. We wanted to wait till after the wedding, now that it was over I was looking forward to finally let loose.

  Mick was soon all over me. He pulled up my dress and disappeared inside of it. I felt him kiss my stomach and caress it gently.

  "Do you think the baby will mind if I make love to its mother?" he asked.

  I laughed. "I certainly don't think so."

  Mick kissed the bump on my stomach again then kissed my legs. I moaned slightly. I wanted him, I thought. I had been looking forward to finally be with him the right way and not like it had been on that night when ... I decided I wasn't going to think about that. It was all in the past. Mick was all over me now and soon he pulled off my dress. He climbed me, and then kissed me passionately. Soon his kisses became demanding, insistent. I closed my eyes and felt his touches. He moaned and muttered under his breath.

  "How I have longed for this," he said. "How I have wanted this for so long."

  I let him touch me yet felt suddenly so trapped, like the weight of his body was holding me down, pressing me, suffocating me. I touched his blond hair gently. I was being silly, I thought. Probably because we hadn't been close for so long. I closed my eyes and leaned my head backwards, making an effort to try and relax my body, but it felt so incredibly tense. Was it the pregnancy? Was I afraid something would happen to the child? That was just crazy; I thought and became mad at myself for feeling like this. Not now, I thought. Not now that we were finally married and could be together the right way. But the more Mick touched me and kissed me the more tense my body became. Soon I was gasping for air. I felt a heat grow inside of me and I was suffocating, like I couldn't get air enough in my lungs. It was stupid, I told myself. It was insane. I didn't even have lungs anymore, I didn't need the air, just like I didn't really need to eat or sleep, but did it anyway because it was nice and felt good. It was only a feeling taking control of me, a feeling telling me that I couldn't breathe. Just like when Mick had pulled me underwater back on my second year. I didn't know it back then that I didn't have to breathe to survive, but now I knew. Now more than ever it didn't matter. I inhaled deeply then exhaled to try and keep calm, but it didn't help. Mick moaned and kept kissing me. Suddenly I felt I was back at the cliffs by the ocean that night six months ago when Mick was mad at me. I gasped for air again and tossed and turned underneath Mick while pictures of Mick on top of me, holding me down and me - knowing I could fight him off yet letting him do it anyway because I felt he deserved it. I felt I owed it to him.

  "Stop, Mick," I cried now. "Please get off me." I squirmed, avoiding his kisses then finally I kicked him off.

  Mick blew back into the air. He floated above me with a confused look on his face.

  "Just ... just ..." I moaned and sat up. I covered myself with my dress. "Please just give me a little space."

  Mick still stared at me in confusion. "What's going on, Meghan?" He came closer. I lifted my hand to stop him.

  "But ..." he stuttered. "But it's our wedding day ... ?"

  I closed my eyes. "I know," I said. "It's just ...” I sighed deeply. "It's just a little much right now. There has been a little too much lately. I feel ... I don't feel good. I'm so sorry, Mick. It's just me. Maybe it's the pregnancy. I'm a mess."

  Mick stared at me angrily. "Well that's just perfect," he said. "My own wife won't even make love to me on my wedding day!"

  "I said I was sorry," I said. "What more do you want from me?"

  "There is always something isn't there, Meghan? With you there is always something. Can we never just be with each other like ordinary married couples? It's always about you and your emotions. Can't we just for once do what I want?"

  I bowed my head feeling a huge load of guilt. "I'm sorry, Mick. Can't we just try again later? Maybe it's just the stress from the wedding and having the baby and everything. "

  "Stress from the wedding? I did everything; you haven't lifted a finger to prepare for this wedding. You didn't even bother to pick out your own dress. Who did that for you? Yes, that's right. I did. I did everything. All you did was moan and complain."

  "Okay. I hear what you're saying, Mick. It'll be better, I promise you. I'll be better, I'll make it alright. I know I can be a good wife to you. The kind of wife you always wanted. Just give me a little time."

  Mick looked at me, and then smiled. He came closer and sat on the bed next to me. He grabbed my hand and held it tight. "Well okay then. I don't want us to fight on our wedding day," he said. His blue eyes looked kind and endearing again.

  I leaned over and kissed him. "I'll make it up to you. I promise you," I said. "We just need to get past this dinner tonight and then everything will be better. It'll be just the two of us from now on."

  CHAPTER 4

  THE DINNER AT Hornam Hall was exquisite beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Everybody attending was so happy and joyful. Spirits and Angels held speeches and toasted our eternal love and all eyes in the room were on us while the band played beautiful music. It came to the point that I was getting tired of smiling and saying the same thing over and over again.

  "Thank you. Yes we will be very happy together. It was certainly a beautiful ceremony today." It kept going on and on. Mick on the other hand was happier and prouder than ever. He enjoyed being the center of attention, where I felt it more like a pressure that slowly wore me out. It wasn't because I wasn't grateful, I was, overwhelmed even, but it was more that I from time to time had the feeling of being a visitor in someone else's life. I couldn't quite connect to all of this, it felt so surreal, as if it wasn't me, it wasn't my wedding.

  After dessert I snuck out to get some air outside of the castle on to the big balcony beside the grand hall. It was a beautiful night and the full moon rose right above the ocean in the distance. The stars shone brighter than ever. I sighed and enjoyed the quietness for a few seconds when someone joined me.

  "Nice night, huh?"

  I fro
ze when I recognized his voice. I turned and looked into Jason’s soft brown eyes. I smiled and hoped he couldn't tell I was blushing. He smiled back.

  "It is very beautiful," I said.

  "I guess congratulations are in order," he said and stood next to me looking out over the ocean. The waves were hitting the cliffs and caused the water to spurt into the air. It was a gorgeous sight.

  "I guess so," I replied.

  "So is everything still well with the baby?"

  I looked at him and smiled. For a brief second I was back to when we last met, the night when the baby kicked for the first time. He had just arrived at the Academy and I realized that he didn't remember me at all. Obviously he still didn't. I was kind of happy he didn't. It would have complicated things too much. Now I was married and there was no turning back on that. If there was something I had always valued and cherished it was the sacredness of a marriage. My parents had a wonderful marriage and always loved each other deeply. That was what I wanted for me as well and especially what I wanted for my child.

  "It is," I said and touched the bump on my stomach gently with the tip of my fingers. "Growing like it is supposed to. Kicking and keeping me awake at night."

  "Like it is supposed to," Jason said.

  I laughed. "I guess."

  There was a pause. I felt ashamed because I enjoyed just hanging out with him like this. It felt good.

  "So how is school treating you?" I asked.

  "Well now it’s summer break so not too shabby, I guess," he said with a smile.

  "Of course. I forgot. Are you enjoying the break? Getting used to the new surroundings, your new life?"

  "I am actually. Quite enjoying it too. It's fun most of it. I’m getting the hang of going through walls and stuff. It's a little weird, I have to admit, but I'm getting there. Still can't do solid things like brick walls, but windows are fine. Flying I'm better at. I like to go fast. I'm the fastest in my class."

  I laughed again. "That’s my favorite part as well," I said.

  "Oh yeah. I forgot. You're like a legend here. Flying back in time and all. Have you done any time-travel lately?"

  I shook my head. "No one knows if it will be bad for the baby. Plus Mick doesn't like it. I was planning on going back in time to figure out some things that I need to solve, some things that were - how shall I put it? Left out of my file. I wanted to fill in some holes in my memory of my human life, but Mick asked me not to. He is afraid of something happening to me or to the baby. I can't blame him really. It is quite dangerous. I did end up in the hospital wing after last time. So no, it'll have to wait, I guess."

  Jason nodded while staring at the blinking stars in the black sky. I felt an urge to take off, to go there and visit one of them. Just get away for a few hours, away from this hubbub. I hadn't wanted this big a wedding. It was all Mick's idea. But I hadn't asked him not to do it so I guessed it was my own fault. I just didn't want to hurt him. Not again, not after all we had been through.

  "I guess that’s the sensible thing to do," he said.

  I looked at him.

  "To wait on more time-travel till the baby is born," he elaborated.

  "I guess so."

  I heard a sound. Someone was clearing his throat behind us. I turned and saw Mick standing in the doorway to the Hall. He was staring us. Jason turned as well and looked at him.

  "The happy groom," he said and reached out his hand. "Congratulations."

  Mick stared at Jason, then at the hand. He didn't take it. Jason withdrew it with a confused look.

  "Well I guess I'd better ..." Jason pointed in direction of the Hall where people had begun dancing. "I'd better leave you two ..."

  "I think you’d better do that," Mick said with a low growl.

  Jason smiled insecurely before he started walking. "I guess ... I'll be seeing you around?"

  "Don't count on it," Mick answered.

  Jason was gone and Mick turned to look at me. I drew back from the angry look in his eyes. "Why do you insist on doing this to me?" he asked. "Why do you keep humiliating me? Even on my own wedding day?"

  "Don't raise your voice, Mick. Calm down. It was nothing but a coincidence. Jason came out here to get some air and saw me. We talked a little about school and stuff. There is nothing to be mad about. We just talked. He doesn't remember anything. He doesn't know who I am."

  But my words didn't calm Mick down; they only made him yell louder at me. "Don't you tell me to calm down! You're the one who keeps making me this furious. Don't you know that? Don't you see it? You do this to me, this is all you, not me, you. I love you so much and I keep doing all these things for you, keep doing all I can to make you happy. And this is what I get? A wife who won't even make love to me on my wedding day? A wife who talks to ex-boyfriends in the middle ..." Mick had to pause in order to not explode. He was so agitated he could barely get the words across his lips. "In the middle of my own damn wedding!" he spurted out so loud everyone on the dance floor inside stopped and stared at us.

  I put a hand on his arm and spoke gently. "Mick. You need to calm down now. Everybody is looking at us. Let's talk about this tomorrow. I promise you that you have nothing to fear. I'm yours now, okay? Look at my finger? Look at the white dress, think of the beautiful mirror that you gave to me. It all symbols us, that we are tied to one another, that we are married, Mick. Are you listening to me? We are married. I am not going to ruin that. I have chosen you, Mick. The fight is over."

  I drew in a deep breath to calm myself down.

  Mick nodded slowly. "Okay," he said. "Let's celebrate for now, and then discuss this in the morning. Alright." He grabbed my arm and pulled me close. Then he grabbed my head between his hands and kissed me. It felt forced and violent. I didn't enjoy it. Then he let go and stared into my eyes. "Now you smile, do you hear me? When we turn and walk back there, you smile and I want you to smile the rest of the night, acting like a proper wife to me. Do you understand?"

  I nodded with a knot growing in my stomach. I had so desperately hoped that getting properly married to Mick would remove all the anger and jealousy from him, once he knew he was certain of me and my intentions.

  As we walked while smiling back towards the staring audience and they were assured that we had only been agitated because we were so happy and thrilled to finally be married, I felt a nagging inside of me. I was suddenly worried that it was only going to get worse.

  CHAPTER 5

  I SLEPT UNEASILY and woke up feeling horrible. Mick was already awake. He was sitting on a chair next to our bed with his head leaning on his hand staring at me with his sparkling blue eyes. The sun was about to rise over the dark forest next to the castle when I opened my eyes. My stomach turned to a knot when I saw him. His eyes were aflame with anger. I had come to know that look a little too well and I didn't like it one bit. I forced an insecure smile, thinking that being nice to him might thaw his coldness.

  It didn't.

  Mick stared at me with those shining eyes without a word.

  "Is everything okay, honey?" I asked. "Are you alright?"

  He didn't answer. He was breathing heavily, his nostrils moving.

  "Is it about yesterday?" I asked. "If it is, then let’s talk about it."

  I got out of the bed. I floated towards him; put my hand on his cheek and I caressed it gently. Mick hardly moved. I looked into his eyes.

  "Mick. I love you. Can't you understand that? I truly do and now we are married. Nothing can come between us; no one can split us apart anymore."

  Mick sighed deeply. He grabbed my hand and held it tight. "I just don't understand," he said fighting hard to keep his calm. He spoke through clenched teeth. "I don't understand why you keep doing this to me. You keep making me feel this way ... you force me to ..." He stopped. Then he caressed my hand gently.

  I smiled; it felt nice that he was touching my hand. Then his face froze for a second and the anger was back. He let go of my hand and turned his head away from me.

  "
You humiliated me," he said. "Don't you understand that? You humiliated me in front of the entire school and everybody we know."

  I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry Mick. I didn't mean to, you have to believe me. I really didn't mean to."

  Mick nodded slowly, and then grabbed my hand again. He closed his eyes while kissing the palm. "But it's not the first time, is it? You keep doing it again and again. Sometimes I think you enjoy it. It's like you enjoy seeing me suffer. Do you, Meghan? Do you like to see me in pain?"

  I pulled my hand away. "Of course not."

  Mick clenched his fists. "Then why do you keep doing it? Why do you keep causing me to feel this ... this ... agony inside of me?" He was yelling now and I drew backwards. He had never yelled at me like this before. It scared me.

  "Mick, please. Calm down, will you?"

  "No! No! I won't calm down. You behave like it is expected of you, like a proper wife. Then maybe I'll calm down!" he yelled again, got up from the chair and disappeared through the door.

  My hands were still shaking as I sat on the bed and hid my face in my hands.

  I was too upset to go to the Hornam Hall for breakfast so I stayed in the chambers. I grabbed the mirror from the table and lifted it. I looked at my face all swollen and red eyed from crying. I always hated the way I looked when I cried. Some things apparently didn't change even after you died, I thought. I stared at my own reflection. I couldn't quite get used to actually being able to see myself again. I had always thought I was okay looking, but now I wasn't so sure anymore. What was with the freckles on my nose? I knew I had them, but not that many of them. They never bothered me before, but suddenly they did. I made some faces at myself and put the mirror down. I was starving and wanted to make myself a big breakfast. I rubbed my hands together till they became warm and thought of eggs and bagels, but when I opened my eyes all I had made appear was sand that quickly disappeared through my hands and landed on the floor. I was surprised. I had gotten very good at making almost anything appear with my hands lately and this was the first time in months I hadn't managed to do it properly. I inhaled deeply and then laughed at myself. It was all about keeping calm on the inside. I knew that much. If I wasn't feeling peaceful on the inside, I couldn't do any magic. I would be horrible at flying, going through walls and making things appear. That was just the way it was. I floated to the window and looked at the mighty forest. I opened the window and let in some of the fresh summer air. It was going to be a beautiful day. The butterflies were already flickering about in the Butterfly Garden and a flock of deer was grazing not far from the Pegasus's paddock. I spotted Yofi in the crowd. He was grazing happily with the others and moving his wings gently like he was enjoying himself. How I missed riding him, but Mick was afraid that I was going to hurt the baby somehow. He was being overly protective, but I let him. It was after all also his child. So riding had to wait, maybe even till we got to our new place in Heaven where I expected even more magical creatures to be waiting for us, including Pegasus’s that we could ride on. There was a time for everything and I was going to be riding for many years to come. I touched my stomach gently. So was my child. We would ride together and surf on clouds together and balance on rainbows and slide them. I couldn't help laughing gently. Mick could be as stupid and act as silly as he wanted; I was going to enjoy my time and especially the baby once it was finally here.