Better Not Cry (Rebekka Franck Book 8) Read online

  Jackie sighed. She knew she was only fooling herself. She had watched enough soaps to know that if it looked like a duck, then it probably was one. And this was definitely a duck.

  She got up and out of bed when Steve opened his eyes. She took a shower, ignoring him chirping Good-morning from the bed. With her eyes closed, letting the water bathe her, she wondered how she was going to approach this suspicion of hers. How did you do something like this? She and Steve had always been the perfect couple. Everyone had believed them to be the ones who would make it. If anyone could, they always said.

  She shut off the water and dried herself, then walked back into the bedroom, still not uttering a word to him.

  "Good morning," he said again while she disappeared into the walk-in closet and picked out her outfit for the day. She was going with jeans and the red top. She looked at herself in the mirror and realized she always wore the same thing, only the top changed color every day. She had five pairs of the same jeans and the same top in eight different colors.

  Jackie sighed and discovered a pimple on her face, right in the middle of her forehead. Wasn't she supposed to have stopped getting pimples now that she had turned forty? She had already started to get wrinkles. The most merciful thing would be for the pimples to at least stop. Was the world really this cruel?

  Jackie sighed and left her reflection alone. Steve had gotten out of bed and was in the shower as she put on a little light makeup, something she usually didn't do anymore since she barely ever looked at herself in the mirror and Steve wasn't home anyway, so what was the use. But today, she put on mascara and eyeliner and a little lip-gloss. She thought it would make her feel better, but it didn't.

  When Steve came out of the shower, Jackie disappeared into the hallway, avoiding him. She walked to Tobin's room and peeked inside. She was so excited to give him the puppy she could hardly contain it. She imagined Rocky would sleep in Tobin's room all night and help her wake him up in the mornings.

  Tobin wasn't in his bed, but that wasn't unusual. Often, he got up before they did and was already in the living room watching TV till breakfast was ready. Alyssa, on the other hand, was impossible to get out of her bed. Jackie had a feeling she might be awake late at night, gaming with her online friends and not telling anyone. Jackie worried about her sleep and whether she got enough, but as long as you couldn't tell by her grades, she really had nothing to complain about. And she couldn't. Alyssa did very well in school.

  Jackie knocked on her door, then opened it and turned on the lights. Alyssa grumbled loudly from under the covers.

  "Turn it off."

  "Time to get up," Jackie said.

  "I don't want to," Alyssa said.

  "You have to. You have school today."

  "I don't want to go to school."

  "But you have to, sweetie."

  "I hate school. It's so boring," she said.

  It was true. School was too easy for Alyssa and always had been. Even though they had put her in the gifted programs in elementary school, it still hadn't challenged her enough. Alyssa had been so bored she often got herself into trouble in class. It had been a fight back then and still was to just get her to go.

  "I hate this day," Alyssa said. "I hate this day, I hate school, and I hate you."

  "That's not very nice to say," Jackie said. She was used to it, though. Alyssa was always so grumpy in the mornings and it wasn't unusual for her to tell her mother how much she hated her.

  "I don't care," Alyssa said.

  "All right. I'll make some breakfast. Get ready, okay?"

  Alyssa answered with another grumble and Jackie left her. She walked toward the stairs, then wondered why the TV wasn't blasting like it usually was when Tobin had woken up earlier than the rest of them.

  Why aren't the lights turned on?

  "Tobin?"

  She walked down the stairs, and then realized something very strange. Someone had lit the fireplace. They usually never used it since it was so warm in Florida. Only a few times a year when the temperature dropped below sixty-eight, they would put firewood in it and light it. Mostly for the fun of it and sometimes the kids would roast marshmallows. But it wasn't cold outside at all. Had Steve lit it? Had Tobin? No way. Tobin was the one who wanted the chimney to stay clean and cold for Santa to slide down.

  The fire crackled as the wood burned in it. Jackie stared at it for a little while, then decided it was probably Steve who had turned it on, maybe to celebrate that it would be Christmas soon. He never thought Florida was quite Christmassy enough down here in the heat. Not like New York where he was from.

  Jackie shrugged and walked into the kitchen, then pulled out the cereal when a smell filled her nostrils that made her want to throw up. As a former bookkeeper at the Brevard County Funeral Home & Crematory, she knew exactly what it was.

  The smell of burned flesh.

  Part I

  5

  The humid air wrapped me like a blanket. A nice warm blanket of air. Coming as I was from the cold winter in Denmark, it felt soothing on my dry skin. We had just landed in Orlando airport after ten hours in the air. We had then waited for an hour and a half to go through Customs, waited forever to get our luggage, and finally, finally, we had stepped outside the airport and could smell the air.

  I pushed Sune in the wheelchair, almost envying him that he could just sit there for the entire trip. But then again, I think he would do anything to switch places with me.

  Two years he had been in this chair, two tough years for all of us.

  "Where do we go now, Mom?" Julie asked, dragging her own suitcase behind her.

  Only just turned eleven years old, she was suddenly so grown up. So was Sune's son, Tobias, who was the same age. Sune's accident had done that to them. Forced them to grow up. I had asked for more help around the house, especially with William, who was now four years old and quite the handful. He was sitting in Sune's lap, giggling as I rolled them out to the curb.

  "There’s supposed to be a shuttle here somewhere that can take us to the car rental," I said, sweat already springing from my forehead. I was wearing way too many clothes for Florida. It was so hard when I stood in Denmark in forty-one-degree-weather and had to pack a suitcase for eighty-five degrees. It was just impossible to imagine it could feel this warm and humid in December.

  "Mickey!" William exclaimed and pointed happily at a big sign for Disney's many parks. It was part of the deal with all three kids to go to the Magic Kingdom. We had saved for this trip for a very long time, so we were all determined to make the best of it.

  But it wasn't just for pure pleasure. We were going to stay here for the entire month. I had been trying for almost a year to get a certain doctor to look at Sune, one with a specialty in this type of case. It was the last straw for us, the last hope we had to cling to. It was Sune who had found this guy and his clinic located about an hour outside of Orlando. He had been researching online after the doctors in Denmark had told us there wasn't any more they could do for him. He was never going to walk again. For two years, we had been running from one doctor to another. We had gone through each and every training program there was and he even had injections with Botox, which had been proven to help people who were paralyzed after a stroke. All to get Sune to walk again. But nothing had helped. Still, Sune refused to give up. He knew he was going to walk again. He was so determined, I even refused to give up. Somehow, he clung to that conviction so tightly. It was quite incredible for a man in his situation. Plus, he said, he had promised Tobias that he would walk again and Sune wasn't one to ever break a promise. Especially not to his son.

  The doctor had agreed to see us two days after we landed, so we decided to make a trip out of it and celebrate Christmas in Florida among gators, mice speaking with high-pitched voices, and roller coasters. I, for one, hoped we would have time for some beach as well. Just a day or two lying in the white sand, listening to the waves would be like therapy for me after the last couple of years I had had. Betwe
en taking care of Sune, my job, William, and my dad, there was very little time for myself anymore. I was worn down and Sune knew it. He could see it on my face. My boss, Jens-Ole, knew it too and gave me the entire month off. To get back on track, he said.

  "Over there," I said and pointed at the shuttle bus. I waved at the driver standing in front of it and he rushed to help us with our luggage.

  6

  It was a beautiful drive. Once we managed to get to our car and get Sune in the passenger seat, his wheelchair in the back, and all the rest of us and our luggage inside, we were ready for the next part of our little adventure. We used my phone and Google Maps to direct us toward Cocoa Beach, where I had rented a house that could fit all of us for the entire month. A house directly on the beach. It was very expensive, but I had been a little selfish, thinking if we stayed directly on the beach, there would be a chance for me to actually get to go to the beach and maybe even into the ocean once or twice. I knew we were mostly here for Sune's appointment with this doctor, who had an extremely high success rate, and for the kids to visit the parks, but there was no reason why I couldn't enjoy myself as well, was there?

  I had asked my dad to come with us on the trip, but the ten-hour flight was too much for him, he said. He was too old for that now. As I drove on 520 beach-line and crossed the bridges leading to the islands, I started to think it was for the best. I hated to leave him back at the house all alone, but it was good for us to just be the five of us. To be a family again. Besides, he had a nurse taking care of him daily. He was going to be fine.

  "Wow," Tobias exclaimed and looked out over the wide waterways. A couple of boats had anchored at a small deserted island in the middle of it and people were sitting on the decks, drinking beers, while others were swimming in the water. I still couldn't get over how hot it was and cranked up the AC in the car. The thermometer in the car said ninety degrees. Ninety! In December?

  I smiled and drove on, reminding myself to send Sara a postcard. She had been so jealous when she realized where we were going. I couldn't blame her. This looked more and more like true paradise to me.

  Google Maps told me to follow the road across one more bridge, then continue through Cape Canaveral, and finally, we drove into Cocoa Beach. There was a statue of Kelly Slater at the entrance to Downtown Cocoa Beach. It had a bandage on its foot. I chuckled.

  "What?" Julie asked. "What's so funny?"

  "The statue," I said and pointed.

  "Who's that?"

  "He's the eleven-time world champion in surfing," I said. "And from Cocoa Beach. They're very proud of him. He recently hurt his foot, I read, and is out for the season, so they gave the statue a bandage on the foot. Cute."

  Julie shrugged. "If you say so."

  We drove through a row of small sixties-inspired houses on each side. There was a restaurant that called itself Slow & Low, another called The Pig and the Whistle, and Mainly Lobster before we reached an intersection that looked like it was the center of town. A small café called Juice 'N Java was packed with people. They were eating sandwiches and drinking iced coffee. The jazz club next to it caught my interest. I had read it was in the top twenty jazz clubs in the U.S. I had secretly planned to go there with Sune one night but I still hadn't figured out how to find a babysitter for the little ones. Still, I was determined to find a way. We needed it. We needed to look each other in the eyes and remember why we fell in love. The patient-caregiver relationship made it hard for us to look at each other otherwise.

  "Where is our house?" Tobias asked, jumping excitedly in the back seat. He never was good at sitting still and the ten hours in an airplane hadn't been good for him. He was about to explode with energy.

  "Just five minutes down the road," I said.

  We had looked at the area on Google back home, so we knew what it looked like, but it was still fun to see in real life.

  "There it is!" Tobias exclaimed and pointed between Sune and me. "Over there!"

  I drove up to the gate, punched in the code, and let it slowly open. The house was massive. Even bigger than I had imagined back home. Five bedrooms and a pool. Cost me eight thousand dollars for the month, but it was worth every penny.

  "Whoa," Tobias said as the big pink house emerged in front of us. I was quite impressed myself.

  I parked in the driveway as the gate closed behind me, then turned off the engine.

  "Boys and girls, we're here."

  7

  "I want the biggest room!"

  Julie and Tobias both stormed out the door. I had told them the code to the front door and let them go ahead, while I unstrapped William and let him follow them, running with his arms stretched out, shrieking loudly.

  I walked to the back, grabbed Sune's wheelchair and got it out, then walked to him and helped him get into it. He had gotten a lot better at getting around using only his arms and most times he even refused my help. He didn't like being helpless and that made him fight to be self-sufficient. I had to say, I was very impressed with his courage and guts. I had often thought about how I would have reacted to this, had it been me, and I was pretty sure I would just have curled up in the fetal position and cried and never left the house again.

  "I was here first!"

  Julie was yelling from upstairs as I entered the big house and wheeled Sune across the tiles.

  "I claimed this room first. Now, get out, Will!"

  I sighed. William could be quite annoying when he wanted to and Julie had very little patience with him.

  "William, you're sleeping downstairs with us," I yelled. "There are two rooms down here only separated by one door. You'll be with us."

  I heard him on the stairs.

  "Mooom," he said accusatorily, and even crying a little for my sympathy. "Juju and Tobby are teas-ding me."

  William spoke with his pacifier still in his mouth and the words sounded funny. I had tried to get rid of the thing for months but he refused to give it up, even though we tried to hang it on a tree or said he could mail it to Santa. This month was going to be the one when I succeeded. I had made a deal with him that he could give it to Santa in person, then Santa would give him whatever he wanted for Christmas. I feared he would ask for an iPhone because both of his siblings had phones. I didn't want my four-year-old son to have a phone, but if that was the only way I could get him to give up his beloved binky, then I guess I’d have to cave in.

  Now, all we had to do was to find Santa.

  "Come down here. I have the perfect room for you," I said and let go of Sune's chair. He rolled it forward himself as he did most of the time. It was only when he got tired that I took over.

  "Look at that view," he said.

  "I know," I said and looked myself. It was really spectacular. Even more so than what I had seen in the pictures online. The house was old, from the seventies or so, had ten-foot ceilings and beautiful old Spanish tiles throughout the entire house. The kitchen was newer but still old-fashioned and cozy.

  "This place is perfect for Christmas," I said.

  Sune wheeled to the corner of the living room and the big fireplace.

  "The tree can go right here," he said, smiling. His eyes were exhausted from the long trip, but he was happier than he had been for months, maybe even years. He had been talking about coming here for so long I could hardly remember a time he hadn't. It felt so good to finally be able to give him what he’d dreamt of.

  "Then Santa can come down the chimney," Tobias said. He had just come down the stairs and was holding William’s hand.

  Sune’s and my eyes met. I knew we were thinking the same thing: he still believes in Santa?

  "Sure," I said, not knowing if the boy was just pretending to believe because of his younger brother or if he somehow had managed to keep the magic alive. Julie didn't believe anymore. At least, I didn't think she did. She never talked about it anymore.

  I walked to the fireplace and looked up. Yup. It was real and not one of those fake ones. It even looked like it had been used
recently.

  "We better not light a fire, then," I said, smiling to Sune. "You know, just in case."

  8

  It had been a very long time since I last slept this well. The bed in the master bedroom at the rented house was awesome. Whether it was the mattress, the fresh ocean breeze, or just the fact that I was exhausted from the flight, I don't know. It didn't matter. I woke up just as the sun peeked over the horizon and its rays hit my face through the window. I felt rested and ready for a day in paradise.

  Sune was still sleeping, so I grabbed my sneakers and went for a run on the beach. The sun was still rising and created a beautiful light outside and in the sparkling water. Pelicans were fishing, dropping from the sky into the ocean. I couldn't believe how hot it already was at six-thirty in the morning, but I had barely run for five minutes before I broke into a sweat. I was used to being freezing for the first twenty minutes and the cold air hurting my throat. This felt like heaven.

  If I lived in a place like this, I would run every day, I thought to myself, wiping sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand.

  It was quite a surprise to me to notice that one of the houses I ran past actually had smoke coming from the chimney.

  Who has a fire when it’s eighty-two degrees in the morning?

  Thinking they were crazy Americans, I shook my head, turned the music up on my Apple watch, and sang along while running toward downtown Cocoa Beach. There were a couple of surfers out in the water, sitting on their boards waiting for a wave, and others about to join them getting ready on the beach, waxing boards and putting on leashes. I noticed that none of them were wearing wet-suits. The water had to be warm too. I decided I would go for a swim after my run. Back home, when preparing for the trip, I had looked at my bikini a little disapprovingly. I refused to believe that it was actually going to be warm enough to go in the water since I liked my water warm, but Julie had told me to bring it. She had googled it and knew it was going to be warm. I was still skeptical, but now, as I was sweating along on my run, I was happy that for once I had listened to my dear daughter. I was looking forward to a dip in the Atlantic Ocean.