Courageous: Afterlife Book Four Read online

  Jason grabbed my neck and pulled me close to him. Then he kissed me again. That was when I decided to finally let go. To just give in and let my love for him flourish again. I let go of my fear of rejection, the fear of repeating my mistakes, the fear of getting it all wrong once again.

  We kissed for a long time not wanting to stop, not wanting to let go of each other again. Soon it was like it had been back in the beginning when it had all started.

  CHAPTER 33

  WE KEPT IT a secret the next few weeks. We met secretly at the cliffs at night and went into the deep ocean to watch the fish, or we met in my chambers and talked for hours and just enjoyed being together when we weren't stealing kisses in the corridors when no one was looking.

  During the day Jason was in school and had to focus on his classes while I was busy preparing for the arrival of the baby. I was getting tired now and my body was weighed down by the extra weight. It made it more and more difficult to fly and slowed me down considerably when I did. It was only normal, Raphael told me one day when I went to my weekly check-ups. He had taken it upon himself to deliver this baby with me. It wasn't something he usually did, but since he knew me and felt like he was somehow part of my story he had promised me he would be there and help me on the day of the birth. He also did my check-ups and told me that everything was perfect and the baby a healthy spirit that weighed about eighteen to nineteen grams, about two-thirds of an ounce now and thereby almost doubling my weight.

  "That's why it is harder for you to fly now," he said. "Even if it doesn't sound like much, it will feel that way since your own body is so light."

  "It's actually not so much the flying as it is controlling the flying," I said. "I can soar into the air - with a little more difficulty and strength needed than usually, but once I'm in the air I keep tilting, or flying in the wrong directions. I am really clumsy and have been bumping into people in the corridors lately."

  Raphael laughed a heartfelt laughter. "That is known to happen. But luckily that is about to change soon. You're almost there. A couple of days, maybe a week left."

  Jason was being both sweet and considerate almost to the point where I thought it was too much. I was afraid that he was trying to keep me happy and not honest about how he felt about the entire situation. When he came to my room that same evening he brought a bouquet of flowers that he put in a vase on the table. They were gorgeous. My stomach was huge now and made it hard for us to be close. But he loved it, and he seemed to not be the least bit bothered by the fact that I was having another man's baby. If he was then he kept it very well to himself. It made me love him even deeper.

  "Wow," he said and put his hand on the stomach. "I think it has grown since I saw you at lunch."

  I touched it as well with a secretive smile. "I think so too. It's getting heavy. Only a few days or maybe a week, Raphael said today."

  "Then it's truly happening, huh?" he asked looking like he couldn't have been prouder if it had been his own child.

  I nodded feeling scared. Jason grabbed my face and kissed me gently with his eyes closed. "I for one can't wait," he said. Then he looked into my eyes. "What?" he said.

  "Aren't you the least bit scared?" I asked.

  He looked at me like he didn't understand a word I had just said. "No. Why?"

  "Because it might change everything. The baby might change our life, it will change mine for sure and also our relationship. This baby will come between us. I will have to attend to its needs when you're there and I won't have the same time and attention for you that I usually have."

  He shook his head. "I wouldn't expect you to." Jason grabbed my hands in his and held them up. Then he kissed them both. "You're not alone in this," he said. "I'll be there all the way."

  "It's okay to run away," I answered. "It's okay to be afraid and scared and to not want to do this. No one is expecting you to do this. You can walk out the door right now and no one will ever blame you or question your decision."

  Jason shook his head in disbelief. "Do you want me to go through that door? Don't you want me to be there for you? 'Cause I don't want to go anywhere."

  I sniffed and felt tears piling up in my eyes. It was almost too much to bear. Here he was this guy, this genuine, sweet guy who was willing to do this incredible thing for me, all excited about the baby when Mick had hardly wanted to talk about it. Mick who was the real father had been scared of the change, of the future and I had sensed that he didn't want it in the end. And here Jason was ready to take care of the baby like it was the most natural thing in the universe. The same child that would every day remind him of the fact that I had been married to another man. Would he feel the same way when he realized the truth about him and me? The truth that I had known him when he was still alive on Earth? The truth that I hadn't waited for him?

  I stroked his cheek gently, then grabbed his neck and pulled him close. The kiss felt intense and soft. For a second I wondered what it would be like to make love to him. He was so gentle and considerate when we kissed, would he be the same way making love? I longed to know, I wanted so badly to be that close to him. But I wanted to wait till the baby had arrived and I was ready for it. To do it now somehow seemed wrong with Mick's child still inside of me.

  I hadn't heard from Mick since he attacked me. I knew he was out of the hospital but still detained by the guards. If Rahmiel managed to make any progress with him I didn't know either. Some days I hoped she did, others I wished she didn't. I kept going back and forth on the question. Part of me wanted Mick to be there for the child, but another part just wanted him to stay out, to stay away from me and my happiness.

  I stared into Jason's soft eyes. Happiness? I thought and tasted the word. Yes, I guess I was happy at that exact moment floating in my chambers looking into his eyes, feeling the baby kick in my stomach. After all that was all you could really ask for, wasn't it? A brief moment of happiness, small glimpses of pure joy in your life, when nothing was wrong, when everything was just perfect. As perfect as they could be given the circumstances, naturally.

  Of course it didn't last long.

  CHAPTER 34

  THAT SAME NIGHT I went into labor. It began around midnight when I felt an excruciating pain and woke up with a gasp. I was breathing heavily, trying to stay calm. Jason was sleeping next to me like he had been doing for the last couple of weeks without anyone knowing it.

  I woke him up by pushing his shoulder. "Jason, wake up," I said.

  He growled tired and opened his eyes. Then they became big and wide. He sat up. "It's now?" He jumped out of the bed looking agitated, almost frantic. "It's now?" he kept asking.

  Another wave of pain rolled in over me and made me moan while bending forward in agony. I managed to nod. "It's definitely now," I said through clenched teeth.

  Jason grabbed me in his arms and carried me and my big stomach out through the door and into the corridors of the castle. While the pain grew stronger he flew me all the way across the castle to the hospital wing where he woke up the nurses.

  They took me to a bed and sent someone to get Raphael. The pain grew stronger and stronger by the minute now as the contractions grew closer. It all happened really fast, almost too fast for me to really experience it, but barely had Raphael arrived before the baby stuck its head out. Jason was by my side all the time, holding my hand, telling me I was doing fine, that I was awesome and everything would be fine. He was crying when the top of the head stuck out and laughing when the entire head came out. Tears were rolling across his cheeks and I had never seen him look happier than at that exact moment. Then the baby opened its eyes.

  "Meghan it's looking at me. The baby is looking at me!" he said.

  That was when they shared a moment Jason was never going to forget. Seeing the look in Jason's eyes I knew he would in fact love this child as his own, there was no doubt in my mind about it. Biological father or not, they shared something, a connection that no one could break.

  "Now push one last time, Meghan
," Raphael said.

  I gathered all of my last strength and pushed with all I had inside of me and felt the baby slip out of me.

  "It's a boy," Jason yelled. "It's a boy, Meghan, it's a boy!"

  I cried and laughed when they handed him to me and I finally got to look into his beautiful deep blue eyes.

  "Well hello there, little fellow," I said crying and laughing at the same time. The baby stared at me and then reached out to grab my finger. "Look," I said. "He's already holding my finger."

  Jason kissed my forehead. "Smart like his mother," he said with a thick voice.

  I lifted my face and looked into his eyes. At that moment I couldn't have been happier and neither could Jason. I no longer felt any doubts about him or about or future.

  Rahmiel brought Mick to see the baby a few hours later. He was strapped in chains made from diamantes, the only material no spirit had ever been able to push their bodies through. It was holding his hands and feet together. Guards were accompanying him standing on each side of him anywhere he went. His head was bent, like he was ashamed when he approached me. He took one glance at Jason, and then froze. I saw a battle going on inside of him and his eyes shortly flame up, but he chose not to speak.

  He floated to the crib where they had put the baby down next to me. He looked down. I removed the blanket so he could better see the face. Mick stared at it for a long time, without a word. Then he looked up and directly into my eyes. I saw tears in his.

  "Do you want to hold him?" I asked.

  I looked briefly at Jason. He seemed peaceful even given the situation. I admired him for that. "Maybe I should leave you two alone," he said.

  Mick stared at him. Then he shook his head. "No. You belong here more than I do," he said. "You deserve to be here. I'm the one who should go."

  I shook my head. "No, Mick. This is your child too. This is your son. He needs his father, no matter what. He will always need you."

  Mick shook his head in fast movements. A tear escaped his eye and rolled across his cheek. "No," he said. "I'm not fit to be his father."

  "Mick," I said with harshness. "What do you mean? What are you saying?"

  Mick stared into my eyes. I saw shame and regret. "It was always you two," he said. "I tried so hard to destroy it, but you were the ones who were meant to be. You and Jason."

  "What are you talking about?" I asked confused.

  Mick shook his head while tears rolled down his cheek fast. "I'm sorry, Meghan. I'm so sorry."

  "What are you sorry about? What is going on, Mick?"

  Barely had I spoken the last words before turmoil broke out outside our door. Voices were yelling, some screaming in the distance. I looked at Mick again.

  "What have you done?" I asked angrily.

  "I had no choice," he said. "I tried to stop it, I really did."

  One of the guards streamed through the wall and went into the corridor. He came back looking perplexed. He spoke for a few seconds with the other Angels present in their minds. Rahmiel and Raphael looked at me with worried eyes. I felt my heart race and pulled the crib closer.

  Rahmiel nodded slowly, and then the guard disappeared. She approached me. "We need to get you and the baby to a safe place," she said. "The castle is under attack."

  CHAPTER 35

  "I'M NOT GOING anywhere till someone tells me what's going on," I said and grabbed the baby in my arms.

  "Se'irims have somehow entered the castle," Rahmiel said. "We don't know how this is possible. We have sent for help from Heaven, but I'm not sure they will be able to make it in time."

  "But ... but what do they want? Why are they here?" I asked looking from Rahmiel to Mick.

  "We don't know," Rahmiel said. "It's very sudden. The castle has never been subject to a direct attack. The students are freaking out. They see these pointy shadows everywhere and hear their whispering voices."

  I stared at Mick. He stood with his head bent. "Mick what can you tell us about this?" I asked feeling the anger rise in me. "What do you know?"

  Jason grabbed my hand and held it tight to calm me down. It helped.

  Mick sat down and hid his face in his hands. "It's all my fault," he said. "I did this."

  "Why are they here, Mick? How did they get here?"

  "I helped them get in. The Se'irims and Azazel."

  "What? How? Why?"

  He lifted his head and our eyes locked. "Please don't hate me."

  "I won't if you help us out of this. We need to know everything, Mick. No matter what it is."

  Mick nodded. "It all has to do with why I killed you."

  "I thought you already told me everything about that. It was to be with me, right? You wanted to be with me always and not only see me now and then."

  "That's true, but there was another reason," he said. Voices were yelling in the hallways.

  "Of course there is," I said. "There is always something else with you, isn't there?"

  I felt Jason's hand on my shoulder and knew he was trying to calm me down. I took the baby in my arms and rocked him hoping he wouldn't feel the commotion of the world he had been born into. "So please tell us, Mick. What was the real reason? Why did you kill me?"

  "You were going to meet him."

  "Him who?" I asked.

  Mick lifted his head and looked at Jason.

  "Jason?" I asked.

  "I read your book of life and realized that four months after turning sixteen you would meet Jason, the love of your life. Your parents were about to arrange for you to move to a new town where you were going to meet him and he would be the love of your life, of your eternity. I had to stop you. I had to prevent it. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be the love of your life, of your eternity. I didn't want to lose you."

  "But Jason was about to die. His stepdad was going to kill him? I saw that in the book of meant-to-be? That's why I kept visiting him, that's why I saved him from dying."

  I looked at Jason; he stared back at me with wide open eyes. "You ..." he said still looking at me. "I remember you. I remember you ... you coming to my house ... Meghan?"

  I nodded anxiously, hoping this wouldn't ruin everything. "Yes, Jason," I said and reached out to grab his hand. "The feeling you had was true. We do know each other."

  Jason shook his head in disbelief. "Wow." Then he smiled. "That means I'm not crazy for feeling this strongly about you this fast?"

  "No, Jason. No you're not." Jason held my hand tighter and kissed it. Then I looked back at Mick.

  He exhaled. "It was changed," he said. "The real plan for Jason's life was changed to fit yours the minute you died. Now that you were dead he was supposed to die too and then you would meet up at the Academy. It was always supposed to be you two. I tried all I could to prevent it, but somehow you both always ended up finding each other anyway."

  I looked at Mick with a combination of surprise and anger.

  "You had Adrian burn that mark into Yofi, didn't you?" I asked. "And when he was caught you opened his cage and let him out to make my life insecure, didn't you? To make sure I didn't go down to Earth, right? You knew that the Angels would forbid me to leave the castle and go see Jason if I was in danger. So you arranged it to keep me at the castle. You used the Batuz to not be seen, didn't you? You stole it from Mrs. Ohayashi, right? In that way no Angels or spirits would be able to see you open the cage and help him get out. That way Hjalte Havskäg had no chance to stop you."

  "I had to do something to stop you. Somehow you and Jason kept finding ways of being together and I had to stop you from seeing him. When you came to the school I was certain you would never find each other, but somehow you managed to find him on Earth by going through that mirror, and then you wouldn't let go of him again. I wanted to stop you from visiting him constantly so yes I scared you and the rest of the school by helping Adrian freeze people and then make it look like you were in danger, so they would forbid you to go there."

  "And the mirror? The one you gave me as my wedding-gift? That was
supposed to keep me from meeting him, right? It was supposed to keep me in the room, filled with too much fear to go out and maybe meet him again."

  Mick didn't say anything but his eyes answered my questions without any words needed. Rahmiel approached us. "Where did you get the mirror from, Mick? How did you know how to freeze people like that?"

  He exhaled deeply. His face torn in shame. "Azazel taught me," he said.

  A gasp went through the room. Someone screamed somewhere else in the castle. There wasn't much time before the Se'irims would find us. I looked at Rahmiel with fear in my eyes. She wasn't going anywhere just yet, not until she had her answers.

  "Azazel taught me everything. He was the one who first came to me and taught me how to possess a human and make her strangle Meghan. I wasn't strong enough to kill her myself in the forest and then she fled to the cabin. So I thought I had lost, but suddenly a huge python-snake approached me, climbing down the stem of a big tree. It spoke to me, in hissing sounds. He told me he could help me, he told me what to do and how to do it. I was so eager to get you here, to be able to finally be with you, that I became blind to what I was doing. After killing you I decided to never do anything like that again, but somehow I always ended up in a situation where I needed Azazel's help. Every time since that first time, whenever I was strained in jealousy and anger, he came to help me. He always had a solution and knew what to do. When I was sad and angry seeing you go off to Earth to visit Jason he came to me and taught me how to freeze people in a nightmare. He brought Adrian to me and told me he could help. Together we planned how to scare you. I was constantly afraid that you would lose interest in me and want to be with Jason instead, even when we had gotten married. I was afraid Jason would somehow get his memory back and then I'd lose you for good. So this time I sought Azazel myself. I called for him one night, asked him what to do and he came to me the next day in the forest dressed as a black crow. He gave me the mirror. He told me he could help me get what I wanted."